You Must Let Go, My Precious...

Oh, Princess, I love you, but you still have much to learn, if not more to unlearn...

The following is a writing assignment Miss K "earned" as a result of an interaction we had a few days ago.  She has come so far in her growth, yet the impetus for this was a relatively calculated situation I knew she would struggle with.  I posed her with a simple decision...  a decision well within the boundaries I have set for her...  yet, I could immediately sense the internal battle she was waging within herself.  Unacceptable.  Time for a mental challenge...

"Earlier today, King asked for my opinion regarding 2 pictures... I stalled, mentally cataloging all of the reasons I liked one over another, weighing my options, looking at pros and cons...  He could sense my reticence and finally said, 'It's my decision ultimately, regardless of what you prefer.  I just want your opinion...'  I gave him my answer immediately.  It was a swift reminder that I no longer need to trouble myself with "decisions".  That wasn't what he asked for.  He didn't ask for a decision, he asked for an opinion.  And, trust me, I have plenty of those... 

That brief text exchange set up this particular writing assignment.  It was obvious to my King  that I still struggle with "letting go".  He asked that I begin thinking about what are the different ways a commited sub needs to learn to let go, and by doing so, what they gain in exchange for their submission.  Of course, I live in a very black-and-white world. It's all or nothing with me.  So, when he asked what I should be giving up as a sub, my immediate mental response was "everything"...  Ok, deep breath.  Take a step back.  Start parsing this apart, Miss K... 

For starters, I've given up my wardrobe.  My King now has control over all of my clothing purchases.  When we can't shop together in person, I take photos of items I think he will like and send them to him, waiting for his approval. His taste is excellent as evidenced by the countless compliments I received on the new dress I wore to work on Monday, (sans panties, of course)!  He has decreed that I need 'more color!' and 'more dresses!' to help mold me into the lady he knows is lurking inside of me.  In exchange, I have gained a pleasure that is two-fold.  I'm wearing a wardrobe that not only does he approve of, but that he finds sexually appealing.  I ooze sex appeal all day, even dressed relatively conservatively for my job.  The confidence I feel as his beautifully adorned piece of property makes me stand a little bit taller.  Second, I don't stand in my closet in the morning wondering what I should put on.  That decision has been made for me and I am free to pull my clothing off the hanger and get dressed without a thought...

Second, I have given up control over my whereabouts...  I text him when I leave for work, when I arrive there, when I leave.  I ask for permission to attend social functions with my friends.  He knows when I go to bed every night and when I rise every morning.  He has gained the knowledge and control over me he deserves as my Dom, and I have gained an amazing amount of peace knowing that he cares about me enough to know where I am at all times.  In the short amount of time we have been exploring this D/s relationship, this has already become second nature.  I don't go anywhere without letting him know where I am. 

Third, and perhaps a more subtle release of control is the domestic part of our relationship...  My King has outlined specific guidelines for how our house is to be kept.  What are his pet-peeves regarding cleanliness, how he likes his laundry done, his coffee prepared in the morning, his tea prepared at night... This has been a revelation for me.  I no longer guess what needs to be done to make him happy, I don't walk on eggshells hoping that our little love-nest will meet his approval.  My chores and tasks are outlined and the expectations are clear.  When he comes home, I know he won't give a second thought to his laundry or what I'm making for dinner.  It will ALL meet with his approval and that makes me feel needed and valuable around our home. 

Additionally, I've given up control of my finances.  That doesn't mean we don't talk about purchases, or that my King has put me on a budget or given me an allowance.  It just means that I can't balance my checkbook to save my life, he is phenomenal with our money and I feel at ease knowing he sees the "big picture" with regards to our spending and retirement.  Trust me, I have TRIED to give him complete control of my finances and I even ASKED for an allowance...  (I've never been able to figure out how I can make over 6 figures and STILL be broke.)  With his guidance and counsel, I have gotten my finances on track and we have more than enough money to not really fret over every nickel and dime...  I have complete faith in his decisions and if he tells me to buy something, I buy it.  If he tells me to wait, I wait. 

Finally, and perhaps the most obvious, is that I've given up control of my body.  Now, for the last 3 weeks, my King and I have been separated by 1500 miles, which makes physical submission a little bit difficult.  But, that doesn't mean he hasn't been exercising his control over HIS body.  I send pictures when he tells me, I touch myself when he commands and I don't have an orgasm without his permission...  This is no different than any other sub, really.  Submission in it's most refined form.  My body is His, to use in any way he desires, even if it's not "in-person" at the moment.  My fulfillment comes in knowing that he will protect this body with his life."

Well done, Miss K.

She was true to her assignment, but I think she slightly missed the boat in her first argument.  My desire is NOT for her to be untroubled in decision-making at all.  In fact, she must make critical decisions everyday and learn how to make better decisions all the time.  What I needed her to realize is I have created a safe, predictable environment (with my control) for her to learn that skill.  Will she make mistakes?  Yes.  But, I have created a sanctuary where she may not fear failure.  I have her back...  ALWAYS.  

Let go.  Think freely, my pet, you have so much to offer.

-- King IV