A couple days ago, Miss K and I were talking during my evening wind down. I was remarking at how much of our D/s relationship to date didn't involve sex... not that sex hasn't been a major theme, it just hasn't been the primary theme... I was questioning whether that was "right" based on our experiences thus far... Bless her, she just quietly said, "Sir, it's not all about kinky fuckery." The sincerity of her comment stopped me in my tracks. What a great example of servitude. The next day I gave her this writing assignment:
"As King IV’s sub, I am given writing assignments from time to time; some are for discipline and some are for personal expression. For the discipline assignments, think Bart Simpson writing 'My King’s rules are for my protection' 50 times on the chalkboard, all within a set time frame so that I won’t face further correction… The expressive assignments are meant to be more therapeutic. So, when my King gave me this writing assignment, I was initially confused as to which category this particular task fell into. His topic, 'Explain why you feel as though you need to be dominated, and why you chose me as your Dom', seemed daunting to say the least… I mean, how does one attempt to explain the innermost workings of her soul? Furthermore, I saw those two topics as intertwined, intricately woven together, inseparable… After all, my decision to ask Him to be my Dom, was because He is who He is… He is MY Dom… There is no one else I could ever imagine submitting to in the way I submit to him.
He pushed me further, telling me that these really were disparate ideas and that I should think about it a bit more… So, I sat with that for a while.
Looking back, despite my career in the Vanilla world, I most certainly had submissive tendencies. I want nothing more than to please my Dom, have a tranquil home, a safe haven where my family feels ensconced in warmth and love. As relationship after relationship failed, I pushed myself further into the career world, which gave the appearance of ME being the dominant personality. All the while, I was lost inside, feeling adrift and confused. The word I most often used to describe my feelings was “unmoored”… When our worlds collided again 2 years ago, it seemed like we were headed down the same path, doomed to fail. We could not find balance. Our fights were epic. Weeks of no communication, followed by stretches of amazing periods of devotion and mind-blowing sex…
When we embarked on this relationship AGAIN, I started thinking about the times when I felt most at peace with Him… The quiet mornings when I would make Him breakfast, bringing Him His coffee as we cuddled on the couch watching Sports Center… Planning an intricate dinner for the two of us at home… Making sure His laundry was done, folded, ironed and put away… I loved the look on His face when he would open his closet and pull out his favorite shirt that was pressed and ready for Him to wear. My inner peace came from serving Him… My world was most calm with Him at the center of it… The bonus for me was that there was almost NO learning curve… I’ve known Him for 26 years. I know the sound of his breathing when he is frustrated, the set of his jaw when he is concentrating, the position of his body when he needs my hands to work their magic. I decided I wanted that feeling ALL OF THE TIME. What better way for me to live my life than in service to Him? I was able to feel needed, wanted, an essential part of His life. I was the reason he had a smile on his face in the morning, the reason he came home at night…
All it took was for me to utter one simple sentence, to offer myself as His submissive, forever in His service. And, even though he was right about me having a submissive nature that was buried deep inside, I still stand by my assertion that there is no one else I could ever share this with. As he tells me daily, I’m HIS girl… and I wouldn’t have it any other way…"
Needless to say, she exceeded my expectations.
Good girl, Miss K.
Good girl, Miss K.
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