However, I didn't really spend much time on how we actually made this decision, how we knew it was right for us. It's true, once the idea was floated, we both inherently knew something about it represented the "missing piece". We knew it was the answer to our ongoing power struggle, which ultimately was the reason we could never find balance before.
Being a careful, pragmatic person though, I knew it wasn't prudent to simply jump in and start considering ourselves Dom and sub. Furthermore, given Miss K's overly impetuous nature, I have the battle scars to know when she needs a bit of a tug on the reins and a cold tone to check her unbridled enthusiasm. Ironically, this was our very first test of whether this could work. Previously, she would have immediately challenged me for being "overly rational" or "afraid to jump"... But, for what ever reason, this time something affected her differently... Instead of a challenge, she listened patiently (FUCK, I wish I had that recorded) and politely and quite naturally submissively said, "Yes, sir..." It was then I knew we were onto something. Keep in mind this was before any of His Rules or Her Limits were discussed.
I suggested that before we officially declared this our intention, our new approach, we needed to have some "real" discussions on what this meant. What this would feel like in "real life". So, we spent more than a few hours talking through scenarios. It was a no-holds-barred, brutally honest, raw discussion. We quickly drafted a sample set of His Rules and Her Limits, again thanks to Miss K's exuberance, and then started talking through example situations:
My questions of her...
- Your friends ask you out for an unscheduled happy hour, but I'm not available to give permission. What do you do?
- You arrive for a night out with your friends, and there is a male joining the party that we do not know and did not know would be in attendance. What do you do?
- You're feeling kinda grumpy, but I tell you to assume my position and I will be be up to tend to you momentarily. What do you do?
- I literally expect you to satisfy me as I wish on a daily basis, as many times as I want. Are you REALLY up for what that means? (NOTE: This one was kind of laughable... Miss K and I still fuck like teenage rabbits even in our late 30s... In 26 years Miss K has NEVER turned down one of my advances, or "pounces" as she likes to say... and she gets pounced on A LOT... poor thing... lucky me.)
- You forget to text me what you've decided to wear to work that morning. I give you one hour to complete a writing assignment, or risk further punishment. Will you do it?
- You are in a meeting at work. You receive a text from me to go take a picture of your cunt and send it to me. What do you do?
- You decide to argue with me during a public outing. In response you lose your privilege to socialize or leave the house, except for work or chores, for 2 weeks.
- You understand that I'm willing to accept control of your life, but that does not mean I accept living your life for you, i.e. you still have to make your own decisions.
Her questions of me...
- If I break a rule, even if it's the same rule, you will be consistent and timely in your punishment?
- You will not allow yourself to feel bad for punishing me when I deserve it? You understand that I need you to punish me in these situations?
- You come home from work very angry because of something at work... You will not take your anger out on me, just because I'm your sub?
- Will you respect my hard limits, even though I know one of them is tempting for you?
- You know you get quiet during stressful times and have a tendency to withdrawal emotionally. You accept responsibility this (emotional abuse) cannot happen as your responsibility as my Dom?
I think there were a few more, but you get the drift. The exercise was very enlightening. We learned as much, if not more, about ourselves and the D/s philosophy through these discussions as we did from the countless hours of reading blogs. As such, Miss K and I felt like we were making the right decision.
I chose to share this story after reading several entries on other blogs where couples had made this decision, yet seemed to be struggling to make it reality. Thus far, Miss K and I have progressed into our "training period" with our eyes wide open, expectations clear, and a clear vision for what the end game looks like... and it's made all the difference.
As much as we are different yet compatible (like too much in the vanilla world), we are better described as different yet complementary...
-- King IV
No comments:
Post a Comment